Being a housewife is not a cakewalk

If you stay and take care of the house while your husband works and acts as the ‘breadwinner,’ it is time to bring the trophy of ‘peacemaker’ to women. As Lata recalled, her husband Krishna Kumar would incessantly fight with his boss at office and vent out the stress on her, and she was supposed to simply take it, because as he put it, ‘what do you really do at home?… just lazy around. Get me that dinner now!’ The idea that domestic work is cheap and not worth being done is still embedded in the minds of a majority of Indian men. Thus, in lower and middle-class families, the act of mustering courage and saying what you feel only brings a housewife more trouble. In nuclear families, constituting well-educated bride and groom, arises the conflicting likes and dislikes. This also leads to a strained relationship.

Secondly, the relation with in-laws also forms a major part of marriage. Once you are married, you are being introduced to a new family, with its unique set of traditions. Many in-laws are not understanding of this sudden transition and believe that today’s girls should be able to do it just the way they (the in-laws) did it in their times. They do not miss an opportunity to make the newly wedded woman feel incapable of taking care of the family. In these cases, the situation worsens when her husband doesn’t support her.

Did you know that Hans Selye, an endocrinologist was the first person to use the term ‘stress’ in 1930’s? He employed the word to talk about animals who had analogous response to stress as human beings. These signs included abdominal issues, high blood pressure, and back pain.

Thirdly, while the husband works and gets the money, it is not the case that the housewife gets all the funds in her hands. They often are given only a certain proportion of the salary to run the household, which could be meagre, and not enough to meet the needs of the family. Moreover, if the husband suddenly loses job or there is a reduction in his salary, she has to face the brunt of choosing how to deal with inflation and the family’s well-being at the same time with low resources.

A man who comes back from work has no energy to dedicate his time towards his children’s studies. The housewife is left with the task of taking care of the children physically, academically, and mentally. Not only does she have to make sure that they eat a balanced diet, they must also study well and have enough creative mental stimulation. The lack of a helping hand might overwhelm her initially, and sometimes, women also fall prey to depression in cases where they find it difficult to take care of the children.

If a housewife had time for herself in which she could explore her hobbies and interests, there would possibly be no stress experienced in the performance of her other tasks. However, since her work is expected to be completely domestic, and pursuing of interests is often considered to be a luxury rebuked by husbands, they are locked in a domestic prison which they cannot even complain about. This results in many health issues for them.

Dealing with stress: To cope with the stress and finding a solution to the issues is to acquire a clear mind in which you can understand the situation. Do not panic or grow anxious. Take up breathing exercises and think about your situation. Think about the pros and cons of being a housewife and how you would like to lead your life. Do not let guilt or remorse stop you from pursuing what you are passionate about. If your husband loves you, what would matter is your happiness over his conventions. Look for a part-time job near your home where you can do something you like. If you miss your parents, volunteer at an old age home for a few hours daily, and if you like animals, bring home a pet! Make friends with like-minded people who will understand your condition, and do not ever feel embarrassed about your family.

All suffering is impermanent and remember that ‘this time too shall pass!’ Talk to your in-laws and speak to someone on how you feel. This could be the sister-in-law or any woman whom you feel can connect to you. In this way, you would find a companion in a relative and would reduce your feeling of loneliness. Lastly, love yourself and make ways in which you can increase this love for yourself. You can only love others if you love yourself.