Companionship, generally called friendship, becomes the lifeline of emotional well-being for most of us. Characterized by affection, friendship in childhood is the stepping stone onto healthy adult relationships. That which unifies all friendships is mutual caring and intimacy. We learn to love by treading the path of friendship. Moreover, in many traditions, a distinction between love and friendship is not drawn. It is believed to be two different forms of compassion. Companionship is a series of shared activities between two people based on affection and intimacy. Companionship is the medium through which an individual evolves in his/her life. Such a companionship does not necessarily have to be between human beings. Many human beings find their friends in their pets.
The heart of companionship is in its ability to evolve a person into a better human being. Not all associations of affection are friendship. A good friend of mine told me – “When love turns into a prison, it is time to walk out.” Prison, here, does not necessarily refer to being over-caring, which is, in many cases, exactly what one might need. However, when the basis of the relationship stops letting you grow into the person you are and begins to become a tool through which you or your friend seem to become less and less of themselves, then an imprisonment of oneself is taking place.
Are you being a good friend? The first rule of any emotional association is to be there – regardless of receiving it back in return. We need to put away the ‘this is a give-and-take relationship’ attitude and grow to realize that every person has their own way of giving, and even though in some cases it might take longer and harder, remember that the other person is a human being too and will eventually reach out.
Here are three fundamental characteristics of a good friend :
- Understanding and active acceptance : Being able to understand and accept the other person’s beliefs and experiences is the base of any friendship. However, it is important to distinguish between passive and active acceptance. In passive acceptance, you simply go with it without deeply engaging with your friend’s positions. In the case of active acceptance, you attempt and struggle to understand what your friend believes in and why. Understanding and accepting does not imply that you approve of their position. Evolution of a person happens when they are questioned and pushed to question themselves. Thus, to understand and accept is only to absorb the fact of the matter.
- Honesty :No matter how much you believe it might cause pain, don’t comprise on the transparency of your companionship. One lie will make way to a series of lies, and at some point your relationship will only be as though two strangers were living under a roof rather than a companionship.
- Non-violent communication : You might be completely honest with your friend, but in many cases, the way you communicate might trigger resistance and could be taken as condescension than as guidance. To ensure this is not the case, make sure you communicate with an attitude of care. Your main aim is to ensure that your friend is able to see what you are trying to get to, through their own point of view. You solely putting forward your own viewpoint, will only lead to greater resistance – ‘you don’t get it! I wish you knew what I am going through!’ You have to be able to see what your friend is going through to be able to help genuinely. So, make sure your communication tells that you care and are only looking out for her/him.
